Pease See Showboat
Havoc on DVD: Old Tony Awards Performances, Part III
Part I
Part II
Robert Goulet introduces the cast of the second revival of 42nd Street. I remember this! They did it as an intro to the Tony Awards, a whole pre-taped music video of the dancers tapping through Times Square to get to Radio City Music Hall, and then cutting to the dance routine live on stage. I remember they did this for Smokey Joe's Cafe, too. When they ran down the street singing "On Broadway" and then came onstage to finish their number. And they kept promising the cast was going to sing again at the end of the show, but they ran out of time (apparently, according to cast member DeLee Lively in this book, they were already in costume and ready to go when they got the axe). But my sister loved that one, because she was obsessed with the fact that there was a really, really short guy in that show. As opposed to something like 42nd Street, where everyone has to be the same exact height and weight or it doesn't look interesting.
"Whatever Lola Wants" from Damn Yankees. This is from another one of those damn retrospectives, but there are these weird freeze-frames and pans to the audience, just sitting there in silence, because Gwen Verdon and Ray Walston were probably just getting to be very old, and it wasn't so much sexy as it was stupefying. It's really short.
You know what song in this show kicks ass? "Two Lost Souls." Even when they changed it in the revival and had Lola sing it with Mr. Applegate instead of Joe Hardy, it still kinda made sense. But my opinions are pretty unpopular, and I usually tend to like things that everyone else hates, so take it with a grain of salt. Speaking of: I also remember, the year Smokey Joe's was nominated for Best Musical, Jerry Lewis was in Damn Yankees and introduced the numbers from every nominated show in full costume as the Devil. That was awesome!
"Into the Woods" from Into the Woods starring Vanessa Williams as the Witch. I always felt sorry for that poor actor in the cow costume. Everyone gets baffled by that score, anyway, so I guess a big plus is that he didn't even have to worry about the lyrics. The woman playing the Baker's Wife is trying way too hard to not summon Joanna Gleason's tics and mannerisms. Same goes for the uber-bland Baker, who was probably tenuously avoiding having any definition, lest he incur the wrath of original Baker Chip Zien. John McMartin (the original Ben in Follies!) is the Narrator. He sings more than any Narrator I've ever seen in this show. I heard stories about MaryLouise Burke, who played Jack's Mother, and had never sung before a live audience. I guess they gave most of her solos to McMartin. I'd be more worried about Jack. He's annoying!
And there's super-cute Laura Benanti as Cinderella (Was this when she was still a teenager?) and Gregg Edelman as her Prince (Was that shit still illegal?). I heard one of the major problems in this version was this deliberate need to tweak or change every little detail from the original version. Like having the princes, Edelman and Christopher Sieber, full-on belting the word "wives" on the "Agony" reprise - which was effing funny when Chuck Wagner and Robert Westenberg whispered it in the original. Also? Getting rid of the Big Bad Wolf's strap-on genitalia. Dumb move, Senor Lapine.
I have no doubt in my mind that my parents hate Sondheim (yes, it's true), because their conceptions of him are based almost solely on the shows he wrote with James Lapine (which are full of angst, death, and thinly-veiled issues pertaining to biting the hands that feed them), and not the ones he wrote with people like George Furth and James Goldman (which are only sort of angsty and death-obsessed). As a friend of mine said once, "They hate Sondheim? How could you ever be related to them?"
As a tribute to the late Jerry Orbach, new host Goulet introduces "She Likes Basketball," a wonderful clip from Promises, Promises, but he pronounces Burt Bacharach's name like "BACK-ER-A-RACK." Of course you're sober, Bobby. Was he still in La Cage when he did this? You know what? Promises, Promises is still one of my all-time favorites. When are we going to get a real Burt Bacharach musical? Not, like, some crappy revue of his songs, but a musical with a plot structured around some of his best songs? He already wrote an original musical, and they already did a revue, so you know it's only a matter of time, anyway. Even though I hate the genre, I still maintain that his catalogue, along with those of Elvis Costello, Ben Folds Five, and The Supremes, would make a kick-ass jukebox musical. Anyway, we did a local production of this show right when Austin Powers came out, so every scene transition was with go-go dancing. How great are those piped-in "BACK-ER-A-RACK" back-up singers from backstage?
"America" from some revival of West Side Story starring Debbie Allen as Anita. As much as I loathe Debbie and her non-Fame contributions to society, I have to say that, even in summer stock, this score freaking rules anyway, and usually triumphs over any poor production values the show may have. Since this was the eighties, yeah, these were pretty bad.
Also abysmal? Like Debbie, like daughter. Somewhere, Chita is pissed.
Yes! Here's Tommy Tune to make things all better. He introduces "Sing, Sing, Sing," which was originally from the flop Fosse revue Dancin', but resurrected for the hit Fosse revue Fosse. Even though I've never seen it - the DVD version is pretty low on my Netflix - I never really "got" Fosse. So, it's a retrospective of all his best routines. That should be kind of cool. And it's fascinating to see original Fosse dancers like Jane Lanier and Scott Wise strut their stuff years later. I like the fact that there's a live band playing onstage. Sadly, you won't see that on the Tonys today, either.
Former Fifth Dimension member Michel Bell sings "Old Man River" from the Hal Prince "rethinking" of Show Boat. By the way, you know how I said in Part II that "Grim Hotel" was the best Forbidden Broadway parody ever? "P.C. Show Boat" is the second-best. "Please see Show Boat, please see Show Boat, Harold Prince's floating barge. Pease see Show Boat, P.C. Show Boat, ultra-streamlined, ultra-large..." You get the picture. And "It's old show Show Boat, and we do everything wroooong..." My mom just saw a community theatre show where one of the cast members was in this. Honestly, I don't think there was anyone (circa 1993) who wasn't in P.C. Show Boat. I saw a local production of this, and two-time Tony nominee Kelli O'Hara played Magnolia!
Hey, here's something I love that everyone hates: "Wedding Bell Blues." Discuss. Anyway, there's a special feature on these DVDs, where you can look at the old Playbills for these shows. According to the Show Boat one, apparently, Hugh Panaro was in it, too. He must have been, like, twenty-three when he (presumably) played Ravenal!
"Step to the Rear" from How Now, Dow Jones. This was from my dad's time, so any attempt on my part to explain this would be futile, stripping it of any and all probable relevance. It's very weird and innocent, like Of Thee I Sing or The Apple Tree. And there's Tony Roberts with a bunch of homely women in dresses that look like they were made from couches. About a hundred people finish up the number on that stage.
"Where Is the Life That Late I Led" from Kiss Me, Kate. I really love this show, amusingly, we've never done it in summer stock, because it's not appealing enough. It's Alfred Drake, who, by the way? Was the original Stokes.
Then Julie Andrews performs a fairly recent medley of Lerner and Loewe tunes. "Wouldn't It Be Loverly," "Camelot," and "I Could Have Danced All Night." Because? After Joseph on Disc 2, I hardly think three songs constitutes as a medley. She barely hits that note at the end. Barely.
Back to Goulet, who notes that playwright Ken Ludwig conceived Crazy For You as an amalgam of other, lamer Gershwin musicals. By the way, if you're interested in finding out more about who Ludwig is - the portrait of grace under pressure - rent the fascinating documentary Moon Over Broadway. Your Netflix account will thank you. Anyway, I really love Crazy For You. After watching this number, "I Can't Be Bothered Now," I completely understand not only why my mom is such a huge Harry Groener fan, but why she has been pushing for us to take a mother-daughter tap class. It's on! Although, I can't imagine Groener even pretending like he can't dance in Spamalot. I actually knew someone in college who had an autographed picture of Jodi Benson right next to her bed. That girl was creepy!
"No Matter Where You Are" from Kiss of the Spider Woman. Goddamn it, I hate this show. I could never, ever take to it. Does that make me insane? I still think it's flipping wrong that, of all the source material in the world, they made this into a musical. Don't get me wrong. I like rumbas. I like Chita Rivera. I even like the original novel. But I always hated this show from the very moment it came out and the cast performed on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. It creeped me out then and it really pisses me off now.
Goulet introduces himself and Inga Swenson doing "Indian Love Call" from Rose Marie in 1982 on the Tonys. Okay, now it's time for Justify Your Existence: The All-Mountie Edition! Who ever thought this was a good idea? Because it only seems to make sense in Goulet's own private universe. No kidding, in the Nine Playbill I have from 1982, there's an interview with Hildy Parks, the original Tony Awards writer. She talks about some of the show's worst moments, and says that the Mounties weren't her idea. It was all Goulet's fault! Not surprisingly, Parks wrote the intro copy for every host but Goulet on these DVDs.
Again, they very obviously snuck some girls in drag in there. And now, here's a large black man in a flapper costume. Wait, now there's two of them! Oh, those are women. This is "T'aint Nobody's Business if I Do" from the musical Black and Blue. Finally, there's Zero here to tell us "Tragedy tomorrow, comedy tonight," and it's on to the bonus performances.
First off, an Ethel Merman medley of songs from Girl Crazy ("I Got Rhythm"), Call Me Madam ("You're Just in Love," with the syncopated part), and Gypsy ("Everything's Comin' Up Roses"). Then, it's on to "My New Philosophy" from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. Kristin Chenoweth is cute, but, but, man, this show did not belong on Broadway. Only 149 performances? Six grown adults dressed up as the Peanuts kids with no set, save for a few wooden blocks? How come only the girls had to wear dopey wigs? That girl playing Lucy is hella annoying. They skip the end part where everyone comes onstage and sings "Happiness Is," but, happily, that segment lives on YouTube. A lot of people were disappointed with the guy who played Charlie Brown, and I agree. He's, like, two feet taller than everyone! And he's got a full head of hair! Somewhere, Bob Balaban is weeping.
Goulet takes off to do La Cage. In his own mind. With plenty of bourbon. Harvey "brilliance" Fierstein takes over hosting duties, and introduces "Caledonia" from Five Guys Named Moe. All you need to know about this is that each “Moe” has some defining trait (Big Moe, Little Moe – see, you can’t do one of these revue shows without a really short dude – No Moe, Four-Eyed Moe, and Eep Moe). I remember seeing this when I was a little kid! They got the whole audience to sing and clap along. That's persuasion. And, honestly, how the hell are you going to not clap along when Big Moe tells you to, nay, demands it?
They did Five Guys Named Moe at our local cabaret theatre. We didn’t get to see it. Instead, dad took the whole family to see Forever Plaid, which is like the white version of Five Guys Named Moe, except their defining traits are much less interesting (the nerdy one, the fey one, the bland one, the one who went to Yale). And they sing oldies like “16 Tons” and “Tally Me Banana” that would probably only appeal to your dad, too. Snoozeworthy.
Where were we? Oh yeah, the white people are loving this. They even got Robert Guillaume to clap his hands, and he never claps at anything!
Now, given the choice between Kiss of the Spider Woman and Eep Moe, wouldn’t you much rather prefer the torture-less option? I thought so.
And here's "Ragtime." From, um, Ragtime. I only saw this musical in summer stock. I never actually saw it on Broadway. But, man, this is one downer of an opening number. It's not fun or exciting at all, and then it's all downhill from there. I feel kind of indifferent about Ragtime in general, because, while I have no doubt in my mind that it'll someday be regarded as a classic, it's still a very depressing show that nonetheless cut out most of the original plot and dumbed it down (and got rid of Sigmund Freud - hello, how did these people ever get by without the father of modern psychology? If anything, it explains a lot about the characters who remained in the musical.).
Well, let's see. What, exactly, happens in Ragtime? The whites hate the blacks. The blacks hate the Jews. The Jews hate themselves. Stokes buys a very expensive car and gets shot. Audra wins a Tony. Stokes, Mazzie, and Tateh don't. Everybody gets really pissed off at each other! The End! It really cheapens American history and reduces it to a few Kodak moments. Minus Freud. Einstein, too. And Salk. At least they had the good sense to leave in the Pringles Man as a vital part of the fabric of turn-of-the-century America.
Notice how the Tony audience applauds thunderously when all the Jews enter. Also, dig that one man doing the pop 'n lock just midway through. Say, is that beloved stand-up comedian George Wallace as Booker T. Washington? I think it isn't.
Although, I love the way Mark Jacoby goes "And there were no negroes!" Especially the emphasis he puts on the word "negroes." I can't help but feel like a little part of Troy Britton Johnson dies every time he has to say that word in The Drowsy Chaperone - let alone eight times a week. Wasn't Jacoby also in P.C. Showboat? And didn't he play a rapist in Sweeney Todd? I find it hard to believe he actually shacks up with his wife and kids in the suburbs...unless there's something he ain't tellin' us!
But I'd be remiss not to mention the Ragtime parody from Forbidden Broadway Cleans Up Its Act! "What show is sad and weepy? Everyone cries, half the cast dies, boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. What set is dark and creepy? Big as a barge, everything large, la-la-la-la large! What plot's so complicated, things get as sticky as slime? It all ends happy, but it's all so sappy, the people call it Gagtime..." Third-best, easily.
"The American Dream" from Miss Saigon is next. Honk! Honk! Did you know that Jonathan Pryce's character is supposed to be Asian? It's too bad they didn't show the clip retrospective introduced by Jeremy Irons on the full version of this ("Sun/Moon"! The solo saxophone! That damn helicopter!). I was so addicted to watching this video on YouTube awhile back. Also, the new British tour b-roll. And the Dutch music video for "The Movie in My Mind." Okay. On the guilty pleasure o-meter, Miss Saigon ranks pretty high for me, so...just shut up.
I actually like Miss Saigon a fuck of a lot better than Les Miserables, and I'll tell you why: It takes place in a better historical period, and, like, one character dies at the end (and it's the only one we care about). I've never seen Miss Saigon. I haven't even heard the Highlights album. But I remember Paul Wylie winning the Olympic gold medal figure skating to "Why, God, Why?" Because, back in the 80s, my sister was way into 1. Miss Saigon and 2. figure skating. So, again, take my opinions with a grain of salt.
Angela Lansbury sings "Everything's Comin' Up Roses" from her very own revival of Gypsy. Try as I might, I just can’t believe Lansbury as the original stage mother from Hell. She’s so nice! Come on, this is the same woman who played Mame, Mrs. Potts, and Jessica Fletcher. Oh, yeah…and Mrs. Lovett. But even Mrs. Lovett seemed really nice, as played by Lansbury! They use some very cool staging tricks, like having the other cast members come out in elaborate evening gowns and tuxes. She really nails it here and makes Merman’s thing her own. I don’t think there’s anything she can’t do. Don’t get any ideas, Lansbury.
“The Happy Time” from the musical The Happy Time, which is, apparently about a French-Canadian photographer, played by Sir Goulet, who comes home to his father to relive better days. He’s supposed to be French-Canadian? This is weird, because it’s an entire sequence from the show. Goulet is very young, and an even younger Michael Rupert plays his godson. And I don’t know who David Wayne was, but he acts like someone (Goulet?) destroyed his beloved photos of naked ladies (seriously). You know every time I see his name, I’m just going to think of the opening credits to “The State”: “Da-vid Waaaaayne!” Goulet narrates. We are all bored.
Finally, we get a very special treat to end things off. Super-lewd “She Could Shake her Maracas” from Too Many Girls by Richard Rodgers…performed by Desi Arnaz! Don’t torture me. You know I never got to see The Mambo Kings in its out-of-town tryout.
Click here to see opera singers attempt a song from A Little Night Music that isn’t “Send In The Clowns.”
Click here to find out Percy Hyman’s real age.
Part I
Part II
Robert Goulet introduces the cast of the second revival of 42nd Street. I remember this! They did it as an intro to the Tony Awards, a whole pre-taped music video of the dancers tapping through Times Square to get to Radio City Music Hall, and then cutting to the dance routine live on stage. I remember they did this for Smokey Joe's Cafe, too. When they ran down the street singing "On Broadway" and then came onstage to finish their number. And they kept promising the cast was going to sing again at the end of the show, but they ran out of time (apparently, according to cast member DeLee Lively in this book, they were already in costume and ready to go when they got the axe). But my sister loved that one, because she was obsessed with the fact that there was a really, really short guy in that show. As opposed to something like 42nd Street, where everyone has to be the same exact height and weight or it doesn't look interesting.
"Whatever Lola Wants" from Damn Yankees. This is from another one of those damn retrospectives, but there are these weird freeze-frames and pans to the audience, just sitting there in silence, because Gwen Verdon and Ray Walston were probably just getting to be very old, and it wasn't so much sexy as it was stupefying. It's really short.
You know what song in this show kicks ass? "Two Lost Souls." Even when they changed it in the revival and had Lola sing it with Mr. Applegate instead of Joe Hardy, it still kinda made sense. But my opinions are pretty unpopular, and I usually tend to like things that everyone else hates, so take it with a grain of salt. Speaking of: I also remember, the year Smokey Joe's was nominated for Best Musical, Jerry Lewis was in Damn Yankees and introduced the numbers from every nominated show in full costume as the Devil. That was awesome!
"Into the Woods" from Into the Woods starring Vanessa Williams as the Witch. I always felt sorry for that poor actor in the cow costume. Everyone gets baffled by that score, anyway, so I guess a big plus is that he didn't even have to worry about the lyrics. The woman playing the Baker's Wife is trying way too hard to not summon Joanna Gleason's tics and mannerisms. Same goes for the uber-bland Baker, who was probably tenuously avoiding having any definition, lest he incur the wrath of original Baker Chip Zien. John McMartin (the original Ben in Follies!) is the Narrator. He sings more than any Narrator I've ever seen in this show. I heard stories about MaryLouise Burke, who played Jack's Mother, and had never sung before a live audience. I guess they gave most of her solos to McMartin. I'd be more worried about Jack. He's annoying!
And there's super-cute Laura Benanti as Cinderella (Was this when she was still a teenager?) and Gregg Edelman as her Prince (Was that shit still illegal?). I heard one of the major problems in this version was this deliberate need to tweak or change every little detail from the original version. Like having the princes, Edelman and Christopher Sieber, full-on belting the word "wives" on the "Agony" reprise - which was effing funny when Chuck Wagner and Robert Westenberg whispered it in the original. Also? Getting rid of the Big Bad Wolf's strap-on genitalia. Dumb move, Senor Lapine.
I have no doubt in my mind that my parents hate Sondheim (yes, it's true), because their conceptions of him are based almost solely on the shows he wrote with James Lapine (which are full of angst, death, and thinly-veiled issues pertaining to biting the hands that feed them), and not the ones he wrote with people like George Furth and James Goldman (which are only sort of angsty and death-obsessed). As a friend of mine said once, "They hate Sondheim? How could you ever be related to them?"
As a tribute to the late Jerry Orbach, new host Goulet introduces "She Likes Basketball," a wonderful clip from Promises, Promises, but he pronounces Burt Bacharach's name like "BACK-ER-A-RACK." Of course you're sober, Bobby. Was he still in La Cage when he did this? You know what? Promises, Promises is still one of my all-time favorites. When are we going to get a real Burt Bacharach musical? Not, like, some crappy revue of his songs, but a musical with a plot structured around some of his best songs? He already wrote an original musical, and they already did a revue, so you know it's only a matter of time, anyway. Even though I hate the genre, I still maintain that his catalogue, along with those of Elvis Costello, Ben Folds Five, and The Supremes, would make a kick-ass jukebox musical. Anyway, we did a local production of this show right when Austin Powers came out, so every scene transition was with go-go dancing. How great are those piped-in "BACK-ER-A-RACK" back-up singers from backstage?
"America" from some revival of West Side Story starring Debbie Allen as Anita. As much as I loathe Debbie and her non-Fame contributions to society, I have to say that, even in summer stock, this score freaking rules anyway, and usually triumphs over any poor production values the show may have. Since this was the eighties, yeah, these were pretty bad.
Also abysmal? Like Debbie, like daughter. Somewhere, Chita is pissed.
Yes! Here's Tommy Tune to make things all better. He introduces "Sing, Sing, Sing," which was originally from the flop Fosse revue Dancin', but resurrected for the hit Fosse revue Fosse. Even though I've never seen it - the DVD version is pretty low on my Netflix - I never really "got" Fosse. So, it's a retrospective of all his best routines. That should be kind of cool. And it's fascinating to see original Fosse dancers like Jane Lanier and Scott Wise strut their stuff years later. I like the fact that there's a live band playing onstage. Sadly, you won't see that on the Tonys today, either.
Former Fifth Dimension member Michel Bell sings "Old Man River" from the Hal Prince "rethinking" of Show Boat. By the way, you know how I said in Part II that "Grim Hotel" was the best Forbidden Broadway parody ever? "P.C. Show Boat" is the second-best. "Please see Show Boat, please see Show Boat, Harold Prince's floating barge. Pease see Show Boat, P.C. Show Boat, ultra-streamlined, ultra-large..." You get the picture. And "It's old show Show Boat, and we do everything wroooong..." My mom just saw a community theatre show where one of the cast members was in this. Honestly, I don't think there was anyone (circa 1993) who wasn't in P.C. Show Boat. I saw a local production of this, and two-time Tony nominee Kelli O'Hara played Magnolia!
Hey, here's something I love that everyone hates: "Wedding Bell Blues." Discuss. Anyway, there's a special feature on these DVDs, where you can look at the old Playbills for these shows. According to the Show Boat one, apparently, Hugh Panaro was in it, too. He must have been, like, twenty-three when he (presumably) played Ravenal!
"Step to the Rear" from How Now, Dow Jones. This was from my dad's time, so any attempt on my part to explain this would be futile, stripping it of any and all probable relevance. It's very weird and innocent, like Of Thee I Sing or The Apple Tree. And there's Tony Roberts with a bunch of homely women in dresses that look like they were made from couches. About a hundred people finish up the number on that stage.
"Where Is the Life That Late I Led" from Kiss Me, Kate. I really love this show, amusingly, we've never done it in summer stock, because it's not appealing enough. It's Alfred Drake, who, by the way? Was the original Stokes.
Then Julie Andrews performs a fairly recent medley of Lerner and Loewe tunes. "Wouldn't It Be Loverly," "Camelot," and "I Could Have Danced All Night." Because? After Joseph on Disc 2, I hardly think three songs constitutes as a medley. She barely hits that note at the end. Barely.
Back to Goulet, who notes that playwright Ken Ludwig conceived Crazy For You as an amalgam of other, lamer Gershwin musicals. By the way, if you're interested in finding out more about who Ludwig is - the portrait of grace under pressure - rent the fascinating documentary Moon Over Broadway. Your Netflix account will thank you. Anyway, I really love Crazy For You. After watching this number, "I Can't Be Bothered Now," I completely understand not only why my mom is such a huge Harry Groener fan, but why she has been pushing for us to take a mother-daughter tap class. It's on! Although, I can't imagine Groener even pretending like he can't dance in Spamalot. I actually knew someone in college who had an autographed picture of Jodi Benson right next to her bed. That girl was creepy!
"No Matter Where You Are" from Kiss of the Spider Woman. Goddamn it, I hate this show. I could never, ever take to it. Does that make me insane? I still think it's flipping wrong that, of all the source material in the world, they made this into a musical. Don't get me wrong. I like rumbas. I like Chita Rivera. I even like the original novel. But I always hated this show from the very moment it came out and the cast performed on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. It creeped me out then and it really pisses me off now.
Goulet introduces himself and Inga Swenson doing "Indian Love Call" from Rose Marie in 1982 on the Tonys. Okay, now it's time for Justify Your Existence: The All-Mountie Edition! Who ever thought this was a good idea? Because it only seems to make sense in Goulet's own private universe. No kidding, in the Nine Playbill I have from 1982, there's an interview with Hildy Parks, the original Tony Awards writer. She talks about some of the show's worst moments, and says that the Mounties weren't her idea. It was all Goulet's fault! Not surprisingly, Parks wrote the intro copy for every host but Goulet on these DVDs.
Again, they very obviously snuck some girls in drag in there. And now, here's a large black man in a flapper costume. Wait, now there's two of them! Oh, those are women. This is "T'aint Nobody's Business if I Do" from the musical Black and Blue. Finally, there's Zero here to tell us "Tragedy tomorrow, comedy tonight," and it's on to the bonus performances.
First off, an Ethel Merman medley of songs from Girl Crazy ("I Got Rhythm"), Call Me Madam ("You're Just in Love," with the syncopated part), and Gypsy ("Everything's Comin' Up Roses"). Then, it's on to "My New Philosophy" from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. Kristin Chenoweth is cute, but, but, man, this show did not belong on Broadway. Only 149 performances? Six grown adults dressed up as the Peanuts kids with no set, save for a few wooden blocks? How come only the girls had to wear dopey wigs? That girl playing Lucy is hella annoying. They skip the end part where everyone comes onstage and sings "Happiness Is," but, happily, that segment lives on YouTube. A lot of people were disappointed with the guy who played Charlie Brown, and I agree. He's, like, two feet taller than everyone! And he's got a full head of hair! Somewhere, Bob Balaban is weeping.
Goulet takes off to do La Cage. In his own mind. With plenty of bourbon. Harvey "brilliance" Fierstein takes over hosting duties, and introduces "Caledonia" from Five Guys Named Moe. All you need to know about this is that each “Moe” has some defining trait (Big Moe, Little Moe – see, you can’t do one of these revue shows without a really short dude – No Moe, Four-Eyed Moe, and Eep Moe). I remember seeing this when I was a little kid! They got the whole audience to sing and clap along. That's persuasion. And, honestly, how the hell are you going to not clap along when Big Moe tells you to, nay, demands it?
They did Five Guys Named Moe at our local cabaret theatre. We didn’t get to see it. Instead, dad took the whole family to see Forever Plaid, which is like the white version of Five Guys Named Moe, except their defining traits are much less interesting (the nerdy one, the fey one, the bland one, the one who went to Yale). And they sing oldies like “16 Tons” and “Tally Me Banana” that would probably only appeal to your dad, too. Snoozeworthy.
Where were we? Oh yeah, the white people are loving this. They even got Robert Guillaume to clap his hands, and he never claps at anything!
Now, given the choice between Kiss of the Spider Woman and Eep Moe, wouldn’t you much rather prefer the torture-less option? I thought so.
And here's "Ragtime." From, um, Ragtime. I only saw this musical in summer stock. I never actually saw it on Broadway. But, man, this is one downer of an opening number. It's not fun or exciting at all, and then it's all downhill from there. I feel kind of indifferent about Ragtime in general, because, while I have no doubt in my mind that it'll someday be regarded as a classic, it's still a very depressing show that nonetheless cut out most of the original plot and dumbed it down (and got rid of Sigmund Freud - hello, how did these people ever get by without the father of modern psychology? If anything, it explains a lot about the characters who remained in the musical.).
Well, let's see. What, exactly, happens in Ragtime? The whites hate the blacks. The blacks hate the Jews. The Jews hate themselves. Stokes buys a very expensive car and gets shot. Audra wins a Tony. Stokes, Mazzie, and Tateh don't. Everybody gets really pissed off at each other! The End! It really cheapens American history and reduces it to a few Kodak moments. Minus Freud. Einstein, too. And Salk. At least they had the good sense to leave in the Pringles Man as a vital part of the fabric of turn-of-the-century America.
Notice how the Tony audience applauds thunderously when all the Jews enter. Also, dig that one man doing the pop 'n lock just midway through. Say, is that beloved stand-up comedian George Wallace as Booker T. Washington? I think it isn't.
Although, I love the way Mark Jacoby goes "And there were no negroes!" Especially the emphasis he puts on the word "negroes." I can't help but feel like a little part of Troy Britton Johnson dies every time he has to say that word in The Drowsy Chaperone - let alone eight times a week. Wasn't Jacoby also in P.C. Showboat? And didn't he play a rapist in Sweeney Todd? I find it hard to believe he actually shacks up with his wife and kids in the suburbs...unless there's something he ain't tellin' us!
But I'd be remiss not to mention the Ragtime parody from Forbidden Broadway Cleans Up Its Act! "What show is sad and weepy? Everyone cries, half the cast dies, boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. What set is dark and creepy? Big as a barge, everything large, la-la-la-la large! What plot's so complicated, things get as sticky as slime? It all ends happy, but it's all so sappy, the people call it Gagtime..." Third-best, easily.
"The American Dream" from Miss Saigon is next. Honk! Honk! Did you know that Jonathan Pryce's character is supposed to be Asian? It's too bad they didn't show the clip retrospective introduced by Jeremy Irons on the full version of this ("Sun/Moon"! The solo saxophone! That damn helicopter!). I was so addicted to watching this video on YouTube awhile back. Also, the new British tour b-roll. And the Dutch music video for "The Movie in My Mind." Okay. On the guilty pleasure o-meter, Miss Saigon ranks pretty high for me, so...just shut up.
I actually like Miss Saigon a fuck of a lot better than Les Miserables, and I'll tell you why: It takes place in a better historical period, and, like, one character dies at the end (and it's the only one we care about). I've never seen Miss Saigon. I haven't even heard the Highlights album. But I remember Paul Wylie winning the Olympic gold medal figure skating to "Why, God, Why?" Because, back in the 80s, my sister was way into 1. Miss Saigon and 2. figure skating. So, again, take my opinions with a grain of salt.
Angela Lansbury sings "Everything's Comin' Up Roses" from her very own revival of Gypsy. Try as I might, I just can’t believe Lansbury as the original stage mother from Hell. She’s so nice! Come on, this is the same woman who played Mame, Mrs. Potts, and Jessica Fletcher. Oh, yeah…and Mrs. Lovett. But even Mrs. Lovett seemed really nice, as played by Lansbury! They use some very cool staging tricks, like having the other cast members come out in elaborate evening gowns and tuxes. She really nails it here and makes Merman’s thing her own. I don’t think there’s anything she can’t do. Don’t get any ideas, Lansbury.
“The Happy Time” from the musical The Happy Time, which is, apparently about a French-Canadian photographer, played by Sir Goulet, who comes home to his father to relive better days. He’s supposed to be French-Canadian? This is weird, because it’s an entire sequence from the show. Goulet is very young, and an even younger Michael Rupert plays his godson. And I don’t know who David Wayne was, but he acts like someone (Goulet?) destroyed his beloved photos of naked ladies (seriously). You know every time I see his name, I’m just going to think of the opening credits to “The State”: “Da-vid Waaaaayne!” Goulet narrates. We are all bored.
Finally, we get a very special treat to end things off. Super-lewd “She Could Shake her Maracas” from Too Many Girls by Richard Rodgers…performed by Desi Arnaz! Don’t torture me. You know I never got to see The Mambo Kings in its out-of-town tryout.
Click here to see opera singers attempt a song from A Little Night Music that isn’t “Send In The Clowns.”
Click here to find out Percy Hyman’s real age.
posted by Gypsy at 12:45 PM
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