I just saw High School Musical.
And....yowza. Remember what I said about Nick & Nora quite possibly being the worst musical ever made? I was wrong. So wrong. It was actually worse than I thought it would be. Which is still on par with Shock Treatment bad, if you must know.
There's just too much wrong with it to put in print. And it really is like Newsies mixed with bad acting mixed with bad music and singing and arrangements and dialogue and something really, really awful.
All right, here are a few things wrong with this movie: The cliches. The inept production values. The fact that the designated "fat girl" is inarguably the worst dancer, and there is at least one person in the background who looks way too old to be in high school. The achingly repetitive choreography, including a dance routine about why the androgyne male lead shouldn't give up basketball* - complete with an unintentionally Altar Boyz-like sequence where he's in a spotlight and singing with these bad, electronic riffs I never thought I'd hear outside of a Radio Shack. The "ugly" girl who suddenly takes her glasses off and is beautiful. Surprisingly, it's not Monique Coleman. Monique still looks smashing and dresses like a normal person, but she also just waits on the sidelines and makes snarky/bitter comments about how stupid everything is, which really doesn't make any sense at all now that I think about it. This other girl pretends to play the piano, and her fingers don't even touch the keys, so, obviously, she must be some kind of socially inept loser twat. Also, the fact that the kids can't sing without lip-synching, these awful, robotic inflections that seem to be in every bad teen pop song these days. And I thought the moral of this highly predictable story that Arthur Laurents didn't write the libretto for was supposed to be about how doing musicals that aren't made up entirely of generic pop shit isn't totally uncool; and, also, how you're supposed to be a nonconformist, when the finale has everyone doing the same dance routine in completely identical outfits. And, also, fat chicks.
I'm sorry, but High School Musical belongs in a high school. In a touring show. In a dinner theatre, even. But does it deserve a full-scale professional stage production?
No.
And I think the boy who played the lead summed it all up for us - in an interview segment during the commercial break - when he said that the three greatest musicals ever written were Seussical, Spamalot, and Phantom of the Opera. You know, as opposed to Newsies. Or kiddie porn for undersexed, middle-aged queens with no friends. Not that I'm pointing fingers or anything. That's not what I'm saying. It's not a very appealing movie musical, or even an appealing musical musical, which is exactly what I'm saying.
It also says that it's cool to not be a pretty girl or a gay dude, because anyone can be in a musical comedy, and that's bullshit, because even the character leads are straight out of a Noxzema ad. And, of course, the only gay dude in High School Musical is the villain of the piece. I don't know why they made him into the bad girl's brother, instead of her boyfriend. Perhaps they thought it would clarify him as ambiguously gay, or perhaps they didn't take into account the incestuous overtones. Whatever the case, it's actually kind of anti-gay once you think about it.
Is it so wrong of me to peg, of all things, High School Musical as anti-gay propaganda? And I'm not implying that this character was even supposed to be gay. I'm just saying is his identity, apart from "stereotypical bad guy," wasn't totally clarified. All we know about this character is that he wears a lot of hats. And that he was very much like Sam Harris on "The Class," with screaming and hand gestures and sequins all over. I think it says "It's okay to have gay interests (i.e. musical theatre, baking creme brulee, playing the cello, and having eating disorders) as long as you're not actually a homosexual. Which is something even Michael Eisner can approve of. I suppose.
Minor side note: When that black boy went, "Creme Brulee!" All I could think about was this "SNL" commercial parody and Tracy Morgan quaffing down an extra-strength bottle of Homicil.
It makes me sick that they want to hire Equity actors in their twenties and make this show into something that it is not: Something with substance. Something that doesn't pander to the lowest common denominator. Which it doesn't have to be. And it shouldn't I'm sorry, but pre-recorded backing tracks and star wipes are not the same as live theater.
Also, the songs just aren't hummable.
Jerry Herman must have turned it down.
*"Michael Jordan's Ball" it ain't.
There's just too much wrong with it to put in print. And it really is like Newsies mixed with bad acting mixed with bad music and singing and arrangements and dialogue and something really, really awful.
All right, here are a few things wrong with this movie: The cliches. The inept production values. The fact that the designated "fat girl" is inarguably the worst dancer, and there is at least one person in the background who looks way too old to be in high school. The achingly repetitive choreography, including a dance routine about why the androgyne male lead shouldn't give up basketball* - complete with an unintentionally Altar Boyz-like sequence where he's in a spotlight and singing with these bad, electronic riffs I never thought I'd hear outside of a Radio Shack. The "ugly" girl who suddenly takes her glasses off and is beautiful. Surprisingly, it's not Monique Coleman. Monique still looks smashing and dresses like a normal person, but she also just waits on the sidelines and makes snarky/bitter comments about how stupid everything is, which really doesn't make any sense at all now that I think about it. This other girl pretends to play the piano, and her fingers don't even touch the keys, so, obviously, she must be some kind of socially inept loser twat. Also, the fact that the kids can't sing without lip-synching, these awful, robotic inflections that seem to be in every bad teen pop song these days. And I thought the moral of this highly predictable story that Arthur Laurents didn't write the libretto for was supposed to be about how doing musicals that aren't made up entirely of generic pop shit isn't totally uncool; and, also, how you're supposed to be a nonconformist, when the finale has everyone doing the same dance routine in completely identical outfits. And, also, fat chicks.
I'm sorry, but High School Musical belongs in a high school. In a touring show. In a dinner theatre, even. But does it deserve a full-scale professional stage production?
No.
And I think the boy who played the lead summed it all up for us - in an interview segment during the commercial break - when he said that the three greatest musicals ever written were Seussical, Spamalot, and Phantom of the Opera. You know, as opposed to Newsies. Or kiddie porn for undersexed, middle-aged queens with no friends. Not that I'm pointing fingers or anything. That's not what I'm saying. It's not a very appealing movie musical, or even an appealing musical musical, which is exactly what I'm saying.
It also says that it's cool to not be a pretty girl or a gay dude, because anyone can be in a musical comedy, and that's bullshit, because even the character leads are straight out of a Noxzema ad. And, of course, the only gay dude in High School Musical is the villain of the piece. I don't know why they made him into the bad girl's brother, instead of her boyfriend. Perhaps they thought it would clarify him as ambiguously gay, or perhaps they didn't take into account the incestuous overtones. Whatever the case, it's actually kind of anti-gay once you think about it.
Is it so wrong of me to peg, of all things, High School Musical as anti-gay propaganda? And I'm not implying that this character was even supposed to be gay. I'm just saying is his identity, apart from "stereotypical bad guy," wasn't totally clarified. All we know about this character is that he wears a lot of hats. And that he was very much like Sam Harris on "The Class," with screaming and hand gestures and sequins all over. I think it says "It's okay to have gay interests (i.e. musical theatre, baking creme brulee, playing the cello, and having eating disorders) as long as you're not actually a homosexual. Which is something even Michael Eisner can approve of. I suppose.
Minor side note: When that black boy went, "Creme Brulee!" All I could think about was this "SNL" commercial parody and Tracy Morgan quaffing down an extra-strength bottle of Homicil.
It makes me sick that they want to hire Equity actors in their twenties and make this show into something that it is not: Something with substance. Something that doesn't pander to the lowest common denominator. Which it doesn't have to be. And it shouldn't I'm sorry, but pre-recorded backing tracks and star wipes are not the same as live theater.
Also, the songs just aren't hummable.
Jerry Herman must have turned it down.
*"Michael Jordan's Ball" it ain't.
posted by Gypsy at 10:39 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home