I've been to the moon and back. And you know what they got up there? Blue Crystal!

All right. I give. I forgot that tonight is "the finale."

Everyone's been ripping off my jokes about "Dancing with the Stars," and I try to post them as early as possible, so as to stake my early, nonexistent claim on them. It's like whenever someone mentions how Joey resembles the gay nephew on "Ugly Betty," or how Jerry resembles his daughter, or how Mario resembles...A.C. Slater...I just feel some sense of ownership. Maybe next time I should copyright them and get it over with.

Since I wasn't working this morning (Victoria's Secret found someone else to stuff goodie bags today), I caught "The View," for once.

I love what Rosie's done with it. The show is now back to what it was probably supposed to be: funny-scary, as opposed to just plain scary.

She's using her Rosie powers for good instead of evil. She's promoting a queer liberal agenda, but not being an asshole about it. She's also staring down Elizabeth the inarticulate the neo-Nazi with class and grace. And she's also getting the people to side with her, because? Seriously? Against Elizabeth? Case closed.

She's also promoting things she likes. She plugged the T.V. show "Cash Cab," and said it definitely wasn't all staged, because her good friend Jenn Cody ("She's married to Hunter Foster!") was on it. She wants the Cab to pick up her and the other "View" ladies from work, so she can be loud and answer all the obnoxious trivia questions for them.

In a truly "Best Week Ever" In Case You Missed It-worthy moment, Rosie professed her onscreen love for this product:

I kinda wished I wasn't in the shower when I missed that - then again, my contacts weren't in when she demonstrated how to apply the Sassynip, so way for me to avoid irreperable retinal damage. After that, I can imagine Rosie's aborted audition reel for the role of the psychic in Mallrats...but I probably wouldn't want to.

Then I had to take some important phone calls. When I came back, I saw Rosie getting down with Boogaloo Shrimp in front of some paper Hawaiian luau curtains and a bunch of hyperactive yet multicultural Disney teens in matching t-shirts.

It was actually the cast of the Broadway musical Tarzan. Chester Gregory II, who plays Terk in the show, sang a "duet" with Rosie, who did the voice of Terk in the movie. Although, I probably wouldn't call it a "duet," because Rosie didn't sing. She just played the bongos.

Anyway, it was a song called "Trashin' the Camp." I shit you not. There is a song in Tarzan called "Trashin' the Camp," and the lyrics consist only of the following words: "Shabba doo sha la la shabba deeeee!" What I want to know is, how can Phil Collins write a song called "Trashin' the Camp" and still make it sound like late-era Genesis? Big Phil's letting us all down, people!

Boogaloo, er, I mean, Chester, was right on, though. If the rumors are true, and they brought back The Rink, he'd make a kick-ass Dino.

Dine on Belgian waffle and fill your face with fine falafel on the Comments board!