PROPER!!
This is the best season finale ever!
Okay...never mind that it seems even a little sketch that Emmitt and Mario are now deadlocked in a serious tie. It's up to you, America! Don't let us...okay, me, down!
Yeah, I'll admit it. The whole thing seemed more than a little staged at times. I mean, of all the songs in the world? "Sir Duke"? It just doesn't smack of "happy coincidence" material to me. Because? "Sir Duke"? Nothing screams "crappy 60s variety show" more blatantly. Or stupidly.
Or when they showed the over! Dramatic! Video! Footage! It was actually kind of creepy to see Mario making out with Karina Smirnoff - and then and only then really, really hilarious right after that to watch footage of him dropping her on the head. It's like they've got the most sadomasochistic "Dancing with the Stars" relationship ever. Is this Stricly Ballroom now? Are they supposed to be the evil couple?
You know what Emmitt's dancing reminded me of tonight? Romany Malco during the end credits of The 40-Year-Old Virgin. And, to all you harpists out there wondering, yes, I am well aware that Malco once starred as the title character in 2 Legit: The MC Hammer Story, so just shut up about it. I was surprised he didn't do his samba to "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In."
What I'm saying is that Romany Malco in The 40-Year-Old Virgin is one of the few things about movies today that is always guaranteed to put a big, fat smile on my face. And if that's who Emmitt wanted to channel, so be it. Although, the arrangement they used for his freestyle sounded more than a little like the scene in American Dreamz where Omer's cousin is singing "Super Freak" in his basement.
He wore Hammer Pants. Enough said. He's Ready for Prime Time, indeed. And I think Bruno Tonioli's transformation into Strong Bad is now officially complete.
The only thing Emmitt didn't do to make it work was go "ohh-ho, oh-oh, oh-oh!"
Sweetie cakes.
I really think Emmitt is going to win this whole thing. Even though Mario killed at the last minute, it still wasn't enough to stop the juggernaut that is Mssr. Smith. And this is exactly why a show like this, in my opinion, kicks the ass of a show like "American Idol." It shows people being normal people (Except for Joey), but they have this added incentive of being "celebrities" (Except for Joey.) That just makes it even more entertaining to watch them trip and fall on their faces - and then succeed at doing something as difficult as dancing. Also, they're all so darn nice!
A partial note: I am sorely disappointed that a mere Google Blog Search on "Dancing with the Stars" doesn't even turn up my blog on the first few pages. I would really like to think someone other than my mom was reading this. That might explain why Doug Benson, of all people, seemed to be quoting something I said about those annoying ads for "Show Me the Money": "That's a big piece of 'Shat. Looks like NBC 'Shat a big one." Or something to that effect. Maybe it's because reality shows are so out of my element as a writer. Honestly, I should be more occupied with the fact that Dunkin' Donuts started selling Babka than this crap.
So, here's something they did to shake things up: Having Mario and Emmitt dance to the same exact song in round one. In a video interview, they showed Len Goodman saying that "they" "chose" "Sir Duke," because you can do just about any ballroom dance to it. And it was just a happy coincidence that both Mario and Emmitt chose to do the samba.
I don't know about you, but it really smacked of those episodes of "American Idol," where they try to make you believe that either one of the judges "chose" a specific song for each of the finalists - when you know that whatever song any of the judges would have chosen for any of the contestants would have been nonsensical and completely out of their ranges. It's just idiotic. I think we all know the songs were probably chosen by that creepy guy with the chin waddle who always sits in different audience seats at every commercial break and never, ever cracks a smile or looks toward the camera (Am I the only one who's ever noticed him? Scary!). And that they try to be more in touch with their young, hip audience by having the contestants sing such awesome, kick-ass rock and R&B songs as "Weekend in New England," "Something About the Way You Look Tonight," and "Climb Every Mountain." I don't think I've ever heard anyone on "American Idol" perform a song by Beyonce or Green Day.
And this is exactly why I can't even watch "American Idol" anymore. When they use terminally unhip music on "Dancing with the Stars," at least they know people don't really listen to that crap anymore, and thus play the cheesetastic lounge delivery of it for ironic laughs. "American Idol" actually seems to believe this off-putting delusion that everyone under the age of 42 is obsessed with Barry Manilow. Unlike "American Idol," "DWtS" doesn't seem like it's remote-broadcast from my crazy, ridiculously out-of-touch uncle's frontal lobe.
Did you see that guy in the safari outfit in the front row cheering for Emmitt? He looked so lost and out-of-place. Dress for the occasion, you dip! I saw a guy in a safari outfit once at The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee and he got called up to participate in the show. After Derrick Baskin sang "Prayer of the Comfort Counselor," he went, "Safari dude! Yeaaaah!"
I mean, I can understand wearing that to a Broadway show, of all things. But the "Dancing with the Stars" finals? Show some respect, safari dude!
Here's why I think Emmitt will win: He best exemplifies everything this show is supposed to be for its viewers; normal, rhythm-challenged people like us trying to dance, having shitloads of training in only a short amount of time, and then becoming really, really good.
When they showed that footage of him at the beginning? I know pretty much everyone on this show has lost a lot of weight from the dancing, but Emmitt's weight loss actually looks really dramatic. Especially since he had more fat than muscle on his body - for a retired football player, anyway. Someone told him to cut out the Babka.
Okay. The people were cheering loudly for him from start to finish, and booed Bruno's slam at him toward the end of the show. Also, he just loves to dance!
Perhaps it was Emmitt's Maxwell Demon-meets-Leprechaun getup in the first routine that sealed his victory. Okay. Weisslers, if you are reading this, I have this great idea for what Emmitt should do after the show is over. Two words: Billy Flynn. Who cares if he can't sing? At least you know he'll look really, really happy doing all that Fosse choreography.
Len Goodman's making like everything is really graphic anal sex. When he talked about whether the audience would prefer Emmitt or Mario - he said he preferred Mario because he was "aggressive." And he penetrated the myth?
Why is G.O.B. in a movie? And why does it look terrible?
Mario did fine. I guess because Joey's off the show now, the video clips made Mario look even more evil by proxy.
I actually liked Emmitt's "Sir Duke" better than Mario's. Mario's was pretty bland, and not at all helped by that "footage" of Mario and his partner walking in on Emmitt and his partner rehearsing on the set. I guess it's just inherently funny to see Mario Lopez and Emmitt Smith act friendly/talk shit about each other entirely in ballroom jargon. Smackdown!
For the second round, they each did the routine they liked best from the previous round. Yeah, I don't know about you, but did the Bergeron tone down his jokes? He just served little purpose other than to introduce each dance routine and point out the sad, sorry, bored-looking ex-contestants in the audience...sans witty banter.
Poor Joey Mac. Not only was he not involved in the best season ever, they're still at a loss on how to actually describe what he does for a living. Wasn't he in some production of The Baker's Wife once? Has anyone actually heard of The Baker's Wife other than me, because I still need to return that CD to the library? I really miss that old intro where they had all of the "celebrities" on the show pose with props that somehow illustrate what their various claims to fame are - albeit while wearing full ballroom costumes. Stacie Keibler in a wrestling ring or Jerry Rice clutching a football in a tuxedo. That would have been awesome!
I never liked the interview girl. She really seemed to trip over her words after she interviewed Emmitt. I know she probably meant to say that he looked "magically delicious." Either that or she's a cannibal! Did you see that they got rid of one of the singers in the "Dancing with the Stars" orchestra? She ate her!
Anyway, then came the part we were all waiting for, the freestyle. Mario's routine was pure "old-school," and he did every breakdancing move you could possibly extract from a Michael Jackson 80s child star Pepsi commercial. Even the pop-n-lock.
He did wear all-white. And a hood under his jacket.
My mom doesn't want Mario to win, and she agrees with me that Emmitt should take the whole crappily-assembled trophy: It's the least they could do after letting Jerry Rice get so far in the game. She put her choice this way: "I think everyone knows that Mario isn't fooling anyone. He's a professional dancer! He always has been! He's been doing this since he was a kid and the last thing he needs is to win a professional dancing contest!" Way to kick it old-school. Although, I have to admit, it was kind of funny to hear the "DwtS"O's interpretation of "It Takes Two" by Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock. Yeah! Whoo!
They showed a clip of last season's winner, Drew Lachey, and his winning freestyle routine: Some weird, conceptual thing to "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" that consisted almost solely of Drew wearing leather chaps and humping Cheryl Burke on the floor.
In the video footage, Drew supposedly dropped by to watch Emmitt and Cheryl rehearse their freestyle, and I guess he seemed more than a little spiteful. I mean, if you were only known for this show, and being Nick Lachey's brother, wouldn't you be pissed off, too?
Anyway, Mario pulled out all the stops, but it was too little, too late.
At least I got to see George Hamilton again.
Do the bump on the Comments board!
Okay...never mind that it seems even a little sketch that Emmitt and Mario are now deadlocked in a serious tie. It's up to you, America! Don't let us...okay, me, down!
Yeah, I'll admit it. The whole thing seemed more than a little staged at times. I mean, of all the songs in the world? "Sir Duke"? It just doesn't smack of "happy coincidence" material to me. Because? "Sir Duke"? Nothing screams "crappy 60s variety show" more blatantly. Or stupidly.
Or when they showed the over! Dramatic! Video! Footage! It was actually kind of creepy to see Mario making out with Karina Smirnoff - and then and only then really, really hilarious right after that to watch footage of him dropping her on the head. It's like they've got the most sadomasochistic "Dancing with the Stars" relationship ever. Is this Stricly Ballroom now? Are they supposed to be the evil couple?
You know what Emmitt's dancing reminded me of tonight? Romany Malco during the end credits of The 40-Year-Old Virgin. And, to all you harpists out there wondering, yes, I am well aware that Malco once starred as the title character in 2 Legit: The MC Hammer Story, so just shut up about it. I was surprised he didn't do his samba to "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In."
What I'm saying is that Romany Malco in The 40-Year-Old Virgin is one of the few things about movies today that is always guaranteed to put a big, fat smile on my face. And if that's who Emmitt wanted to channel, so be it. Although, the arrangement they used for his freestyle sounded more than a little like the scene in American Dreamz where Omer's cousin is singing "Super Freak" in his basement.
He wore Hammer Pants. Enough said. He's Ready for Prime Time, indeed. And I think Bruno Tonioli's transformation into Strong Bad is now officially complete.
The only thing Emmitt didn't do to make it work was go "ohh-ho, oh-oh, oh-oh!"
Sweetie cakes.
I really think Emmitt is going to win this whole thing. Even though Mario killed at the last minute, it still wasn't enough to stop the juggernaut that is Mssr. Smith. And this is exactly why a show like this, in my opinion, kicks the ass of a show like "American Idol." It shows people being normal people (Except for Joey), but they have this added incentive of being "celebrities" (Except for Joey.) That just makes it even more entertaining to watch them trip and fall on their faces - and then succeed at doing something as difficult as dancing. Also, they're all so darn nice!
A partial note: I am sorely disappointed that a mere Google Blog Search on "Dancing with the Stars" doesn't even turn up my blog on the first few pages. I would really like to think someone other than my mom was reading this. That might explain why Doug Benson, of all people, seemed to be quoting something I said about those annoying ads for "Show Me the Money": "That's a big piece of 'Shat. Looks like NBC 'Shat a big one." Or something to that effect. Maybe it's because reality shows are so out of my element as a writer. Honestly, I should be more occupied with the fact that Dunkin' Donuts started selling Babka than this crap.
So, here's something they did to shake things up: Having Mario and Emmitt dance to the same exact song in round one. In a video interview, they showed Len Goodman saying that "they" "chose" "Sir Duke," because you can do just about any ballroom dance to it. And it was just a happy coincidence that both Mario and Emmitt chose to do the samba.
I don't know about you, but it really smacked of those episodes of "American Idol," where they try to make you believe that either one of the judges "chose" a specific song for each of the finalists - when you know that whatever song any of the judges would have chosen for any of the contestants would have been nonsensical and completely out of their ranges. It's just idiotic. I think we all know the songs were probably chosen by that creepy guy with the chin waddle who always sits in different audience seats at every commercial break and never, ever cracks a smile or looks toward the camera (Am I the only one who's ever noticed him? Scary!). And that they try to be more in touch with their young, hip audience by having the contestants sing such awesome, kick-ass rock and R&B songs as "Weekend in New England," "Something About the Way You Look Tonight," and "Climb Every Mountain." I don't think I've ever heard anyone on "American Idol" perform a song by Beyonce or Green Day.
And this is exactly why I can't even watch "American Idol" anymore. When they use terminally unhip music on "Dancing with the Stars," at least they know people don't really listen to that crap anymore, and thus play the cheesetastic lounge delivery of it for ironic laughs. "American Idol" actually seems to believe this off-putting delusion that everyone under the age of 42 is obsessed with Barry Manilow. Unlike "American Idol," "DWtS" doesn't seem like it's remote-broadcast from my crazy, ridiculously out-of-touch uncle's frontal lobe.
Did you see that guy in the safari outfit in the front row cheering for Emmitt? He looked so lost and out-of-place. Dress for the occasion, you dip! I saw a guy in a safari outfit once at The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee and he got called up to participate in the show. After Derrick Baskin sang "Prayer of the Comfort Counselor," he went, "Safari dude! Yeaaaah!"
I mean, I can understand wearing that to a Broadway show, of all things. But the "Dancing with the Stars" finals? Show some respect, safari dude!
Here's why I think Emmitt will win: He best exemplifies everything this show is supposed to be for its viewers; normal, rhythm-challenged people like us trying to dance, having shitloads of training in only a short amount of time, and then becoming really, really good.
When they showed that footage of him at the beginning? I know pretty much everyone on this show has lost a lot of weight from the dancing, but Emmitt's weight loss actually looks really dramatic. Especially since he had more fat than muscle on his body - for a retired football player, anyway. Someone told him to cut out the Babka.
Okay. The people were cheering loudly for him from start to finish, and booed Bruno's slam at him toward the end of the show. Also, he just loves to dance!
Perhaps it was Emmitt's Maxwell Demon-meets-Leprechaun getup in the first routine that sealed his victory. Okay. Weisslers, if you are reading this, I have this great idea for what Emmitt should do after the show is over. Two words: Billy Flynn. Who cares if he can't sing? At least you know he'll look really, really happy doing all that Fosse choreography.
Len Goodman's making like everything is really graphic anal sex. When he talked about whether the audience would prefer Emmitt or Mario - he said he preferred Mario because he was "aggressive." And he penetrated the myth?
Why is G.O.B. in a movie? And why does it look terrible?
Mario did fine. I guess because Joey's off the show now, the video clips made Mario look even more evil by proxy.
I actually liked Emmitt's "Sir Duke" better than Mario's. Mario's was pretty bland, and not at all helped by that "footage" of Mario and his partner walking in on Emmitt and his partner rehearsing on the set. I guess it's just inherently funny to see Mario Lopez and Emmitt Smith act friendly/talk shit about each other entirely in ballroom jargon. Smackdown!
For the second round, they each did the routine they liked best from the previous round. Yeah, I don't know about you, but did the Bergeron tone down his jokes? He just served little purpose other than to introduce each dance routine and point out the sad, sorry, bored-looking ex-contestants in the audience...sans witty banter.
Poor Joey Mac. Not only was he not involved in the best season ever, they're still at a loss on how to actually describe what he does for a living. Wasn't he in some production of The Baker's Wife once? Has anyone actually heard of The Baker's Wife other than me, because I still need to return that CD to the library? I really miss that old intro where they had all of the "celebrities" on the show pose with props that somehow illustrate what their various claims to fame are - albeit while wearing full ballroom costumes. Stacie Keibler in a wrestling ring or Jerry Rice clutching a football in a tuxedo. That would have been awesome!
I never liked the interview girl. She really seemed to trip over her words after she interviewed Emmitt. I know she probably meant to say that he looked "magically delicious." Either that or she's a cannibal! Did you see that they got rid of one of the singers in the "Dancing with the Stars" orchestra? She ate her!
Anyway, then came the part we were all waiting for, the freestyle. Mario's routine was pure "old-school," and he did every breakdancing move you could possibly extract from a Michael Jackson 80s child star Pepsi commercial. Even the pop-n-lock.
He did wear all-white. And a hood under his jacket.
My mom doesn't want Mario to win, and she agrees with me that Emmitt should take the whole crappily-assembled trophy: It's the least they could do after letting Jerry Rice get so far in the game. She put her choice this way: "I think everyone knows that Mario isn't fooling anyone. He's a professional dancer! He always has been! He's been doing this since he was a kid and the last thing he needs is to win a professional dancing contest!" Way to kick it old-school. Although, I have to admit, it was kind of funny to hear the "DwtS"O's interpretation of "It Takes Two" by Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock. Yeah! Whoo!
They showed a clip of last season's winner, Drew Lachey, and his winning freestyle routine: Some weird, conceptual thing to "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" that consisted almost solely of Drew wearing leather chaps and humping Cheryl Burke on the floor.
In the video footage, Drew supposedly dropped by to watch Emmitt and Cheryl rehearse their freestyle, and I guess he seemed more than a little spiteful. I mean, if you were only known for this show, and being Nick Lachey's brother, wouldn't you be pissed off, too?
Anyway, Mario pulled out all the stops, but it was too little, too late.
At least I got to see George Hamilton again.
Do the bump on the Comments board!
posted by Gypsy at 9:58 PM
3 Comments:
Go Emmitt!!!!
And how about those lifts he did during his freestyle? Bruno was wrong to criticize him for that. Very tango de la muerte, simpsons fans!
YAY!
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ryannewyork at gmail dot com
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